How Did I End Up in a Documentary About Consciousness?
What began as unexplained vibrations, vivid dreamscapes and out-of-body experiences became a lesson in trusting myself. When a forgotten book finally gave me language for what I was experiencing, it also opened a path toward the Monroe Institute—and a documentary I somehow knew I was meant to be part of.
How Did I End Up in a Documentary About Consciousness?
What began as a few strange words appearing in my mind upon waking soon became a pattern I could no longer ignore. I still wasn’t ready to call it mystical—but I was beginning to wonder whether curiosity might matter more than certainty, and where our ideas truly come from.
How Did I End Up in a Documentary About Consciousness?
I wasn't searching for spiritual experiences. I was trying to heal.
What began as a journey through grief, loss, and unresolved pain slowly evolved into something I never expected. Strange messages arrived in dreams. Unfamiliar words appeared in my mind and turned out to be real. A warning about a motorcycle accident arrived weeks before the event itself.
For years, I searched for rational explanations. Some experiences could be explained away. Others couldn't.
This chapter explores the unexpected experiences that emerged as I healed—and the questions that forced me to reconsider what might be possible.
How Did I End Up in a Documentary About Consciousness?
Four years ago, I had everything I thought I was supposed to want: a successful career, a beautiful home, a loving family and a life that looked good from the outside. Yet beneath it all was a persistent feeling that something was missing.
What began as a healing journey eventually led me down a path I never could have imagined—one filled with experiences that challenged my assumptions about consciousness, reality and what may be possible. In a few weeks, I'll be heading to The Monroe Institute to participate in a documentary called Instructions for Leaving.
This is the story of how I got here.
The Hardest Thing I've Ever Tried to Heal
For most of my life, I believed self-love was waiting for me in a smaller body.
I spent years dieting, tracking macros, counting calories, and chasing a version of myself that always seemed just out of reach. When I eventually gained nearly sixty pounds despite doing everything "right," I was forced to confront a painful truth: I hadn't loved myself when I was thin either.
This isn't a story about weight gain.
It's a story about self-worth.
About the beliefs we inherit, the standards we spend a lifetime chasing, and what happens when we finally stop waiting to love ourselves.
The Body Keeps Carrying What the Mind Avoids
I used to think being strong meant pushing through.
Ignoring exhaustion. Suppressing emotion. Staying functional no matter what was happening internally.
But eventually, my body started speaking in ways I could no longer ignore.
What I've learned is that healing is not becoming less emotional. It's becoming less afraid of your emotions.
In this week's Thread from My Heart, I explore the connection between emotional suppression, the nervous system and the physical symptoms that often emerge when we spend years carrying what was never meant to be carried alone.
Your body is not betraying you.
It is communicating.
Low Light
When Change Feels Like Abandonment
Sometimes change doesn’t feel like change—it feels like abandonment. This piece explores how old patterns shape the way we experience loss, transition and growth.
The Day My Body Interrupted My Life
What if your body isn’t broken—but trying to tell you something? This piece explores the connection between emotional healing, grief and physical symptoms.
Welcome to The Shit Show
Healing isn’t linear. Just when you think you’ve done the work, something deeper surfaces. This piece explores what it looks like when healing circles back instead of moving forward.
The Truth I Stopped Softening
For years, I softened the truth about how my son died. What I didn’t realize was that I wasn’t protecting others—I was protecting myself from the weight of my own shame.
Anger Is Not the Problem. Silence Is.
Anger isn’t a flaw—it’s information. What we suppress doesn’t disappear, it gets stored in the body. This piece explores emotional suppression and the real cost of not feeling.
I Never Wanted to Be Strong
What We Don’t Heal, We Hand Down
Healing isn’t linear—it ripples. What we don’t heal doesn’t disappear, it gets passed on. This piece explores generational trauma, epigenetics and the patterns we inherit through the body.
The Day I Accidentally Flashed Summer Camp
What started as a simple camp drop-off turned into a moment I’ll never live down—equal parts hilarious and humbling. But underneath it was something deeper: a season of grief, anxiety, and learning how to show up for my son when everything had changed.
Welcome to My Story: Raw, Real, and Dreaming Big
Let me start with a question: have you ever looked at your life and thought, How did I get here? That’s pretty much the recurring theme of mine. I’ve made choices that seemed like a good idea at the time (mostly), stumbled into grace I didn’t deserve, and tripped over life lessons so hard I’m surprised I didn’t sprain something.
But somewhere between the chaos and the clarity, I found threads of meaning. I found healing. I found breathwork. And somewhere along the way, I realized life isn’t just what happens when you’re awake—dreams, the ones we have at night and the ones we chase during the day, hold just as much power to shape us.
Where Hyper-Independence Begins
Hyper-independence often begins in childhood. This reflection explores how early experiences shape the belief that we have to do everything alone—and what it takes to begin changing that.
Signs
What if grief isn’t the end of the connection? This piece explores signs from loved ones after death, spiritual awakening, and the moment everything I believed started to shift.
The Signs I Almost Missed
It All Begins Here